If love was like it is in the movies then our lives would all be a whirlwind of intimate late night dinners, flowers delivered to work and surprise romantic weekends away. Unfortunately, in the real world you’re lucky if your man remembers to buy a card for your anniversary.
We’ve all moaned about how our men aren’t romantic enough but, as modern day women, if you want it you’ve got to go out and get it. But how do you do it?
Firstly, focus on the positive. Instead of concentrating on all the things that he doesn’t do, look at what he does. Making you a cup of tea in the morning, buying you your favourite chocolate bar or putting your washing away may seem like mundane actions but they all show that he cares and wants to do nice things for you.
Romance doesn’t have to be all flowers and expensive dinners, but about showing each other how much you care and spending quality time together.
It is easy to think that the man has to do all the work but when was the last time you made a romantic gesture? Lead by example and take the responsibility for a putting a bit of romance back into your relationship. Cook him a nice meal, run yourselves a candlelit bath or give him a backrub after a long day at work.
Victoria Lukats, psychiatrist and relationship expert for Parship.com says, “Romance is important as it keeps couples connected and shows your partner that you are thinking about them. Do romantic things for him but be careful not to suffocate him. Start off small.”
You may be thinking it’s all very well you doing all the work – but what about him? If you want your man to be more romantic you need to tell him. As much as we would like our men to know exactly what we want and deliver it without us having to ask, they are not mind readers.
“You need to find a way to communicate,” says Victoria. “If you say ‘do this’, it’s not very romantic so you need to lead them by the hand. Don’t be prescriptive but give them the chance to do it by themselves.”
Try to find a trigger for the conversation such as a scene on TV or a story about your friends and use this to talk about your own relationship. Put the emphasis on you both as a couple and try to steer clear of giving him a lecture. Say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we did this,” or, “I’d love to do… with you.”
And remember, men’s idea of romance is often very different to yours so don’t be negative and criticise him when his gestures fail to live up to your expectations. Instead, be happy that he has made the effort and use it as a starting point for a romantic future.
Here are four steps to take towards turning your man into the one in the movies…
Tease him
Hints don’t work very well with men but it is always worth a try. Leave this article up on your computer, talk about a friend’s romantic partner or comment on a romantic scene on TV. All these things might give him some ideas but you are best off just telling him how you feel.
Tell him
Men aren’t mind readers – much as we’d like them to be – so you need to tell them what you want. Don’t make it confrontational but open up the conversation by asking what you could do to make him feel more wanted/loved/appreciated.
Teach him
The best way to get someone to change their behaviour is by setting an example of what you would like done. Do something romantic for him – that he would like not just what you want – and he will be more inspired to reciprocate.
Treat him
Everyone likes to be complimented so make sure your man knows how pleased you are when he makes romantic gesture. Don’t overdo it but be genuine about your feelings and what it means to you.
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